I’ve been depressed for 3 years now, and as each year goes on, I begin to care and feel less. It started when I got severely bullied in Yr 9 and then I socially isolated myself from my friends, so although I have friends, I’m not close to anyone anymore. I stay inside a lot either online or watching TV, and when I was at school I just hid in the library. I joined random online games like Habbo and various online communities like forums to kill time and stuff, but I’ve grown bored of all that.

I don’t really feel that emotional anymore. I can never cry, and I’ve became much more diffcult to make happy or laugh, like I can’t enjoy videogames or movies anymore, and I have no interests, so I have loads of money saved up that I would’ve otherwise spent on other things. But the sick thing is the things that do make me laugh are fked up things like the misfortune of others, or people going mad and stuff like that or slipping over or dark jokes like racist/sexist/bigot ones. I don’t know why.

I self-harm sometimes, because I get a rush out of making myself bleed. The more the better, so I’ve used shaver razors to harm myself as they cause a lot more bleeding, and now I have two big scars from it. I also nearly leaped off a bridge whilst I was drunk, but I just never did. Other times I’m really paranoid, I sometimes (not always) think that when the door knocks or phone rings it’s the Police or a criminal that’s got intents to harm or take me.

I also sometimes “comfort eat” and have put on loads of weight because of it (I used to be really skinny once), and I neglect myself sometimes. I do wash, change clothes/underwear and brush my teeth and stuff, but sometimes I don’t bother looking after my eyebrows or wearing makeup.

I also have a really increased sex drive sometimes, like as bad as a guys, where I need it so bad. I even sometimes watch porn to relieve it, although I feel disgusted afterwards. And then after I don’t even think of sex.

I’m not “diagnosed” with anything, because I don’t see the point in getting help if I’m this fked up, but am I getting worse? What “condition” could I have?

Are there any websites that you can make money off of that dont use surveys that make you spend money on them? or do not give a virus
please dont advertise.
all these sits are the ones that i dont want the survey ones

Just like the titles says I want to know how I can make money online without wasting my own in the process. I’m open to any ideas as long as its not shady and completely legal.