i am expecting a son in october. i am already a certified personal fitness trainer/aerobics instructor, i am in my 30′s, and a single mother (a personal choice – relationships don’t seem to work out for me but i have always wanted a child).
i know that during the first weeks/months after my child is born i will be a little too busy for continuing my education, but once my son and i get on a good schedule, i will be ready to start doing so.
i would like to note that i live in a small town where there are few jobs. i’ve never made enough to make a comfortable living with my fitness career, so i need to keep that as a side job only and begin focusing on something else.
the only sure-fire jobs around here involve sickness and death (health care and funeral services), or perhaps childcare services. i really can’t think of anything else that is a good market around here.
i know whatever i decide, i should get my requisites out of the way first and foremost, but any ideas of what i should pursue? and what kind of financial aid is there for single moms seeking to further their education?
i will be babysitting for a friend of mine and doing my personal fitness training and aerobics instruction and it’s already been agreed that i will get child support from the father. i just won’t have a “steady job” anymore… i will only be training clients and teaching aerobics when my friend gets home from work and then she will take over with our children.
please don’t automatically assume YOU will be contributing to me and my child. i have arrangements made for income, and your taxes have nothing to do with it.
i WILL be bringing in enough to support me and my child, and the father is willing to help… he is just a cheater and a liar and i have chosen not to be with him anymore so you can just fuckkkkk off.
i wish dr kia allowed email. i have a few points i would like to make. i also wish people wouldn’t automatically jump to conclusions. i can’t include every little detail of my life on a single post, and it upsets me that rather than helping me to answer my question you people had rather just be hateful and ASSUME that i am just looking to MILK THE SYSTEM and that i just WANT TO BE A SINGLE MOM when these are not the issues at all. i wish the father hadn’t turned out to be such a jerk and i am going to have an income, just not a steady 9-5 job. thanks for getting me so upset today.
dr kia: the baby’s father will be putting our son on his health coverage. i’m not sure why you want to make me feel bad for my decisions. i am down in the dumps enough about all the things going on right now, with an unfaithful man and a baby that will be born into a broken home. you don’t have to try to make me feel bad about how my life has turned out. i already do. if i keep my current job, i will only be bringing in $100 a month after paying a sitter. and this job i’m quitting does not have benefits anyway. babysitting my friends child will pay more than i’d make after paying a sitter if i were to stay at my current job. there are no jobs that offer benefits available in the area i live in currently. believe me, ive looked. it’s not like i am going to be sitting on my ass all day and doing nothing and i am certainly not going to milk anything from the taxes that you or anyone else pays. so please don’t worry your pretty little head.
correction: $100 a week, not month
i would also like to point out that martinsville, va – where i live – has the HIGHEST UNEMPLOYMENT RATE in virginia. the surrounding areas aren’t much better. i lost my great paying job with great benefits awhile back and ended up losing almost everything i worked hard for. i have been looking for jobs but all of our plants – furniture and textile – have closed down or downsized drastically. wal-mart has even put a freeze on hiring jobs are so scarce. so before you come at me all high and mighty, with all these terrific solutions as to how i can be worthy in your book, i just ask that the next time you feel like attacking someone, perhaps you should stop and think that even though your place in life might be roses, others might be crap due to circumstances that are out of their control.
feel free to look martinsville, va. up & you tell me what you would do if you if you lost your great paying job & worked in an area where no one is hiring – not even fast food joints & wal-mart. and i would also like for you to tell me which you would choose: staying at the only job you could come across that only paid less than $200 a week & you’d only bring in $100 a week after paying a sitter with no benefits & then got offered a babysitting job that paid more than $100 – PLEASE tell me which you would choose. wouldn’t you choose to stay at home & raise your child yourself in this situation? if you would be bringing in the same amount either way? i am so stressed out with the fact i lost my job, & the fact that my baby’s father turned out to be a liar and a cheater, & the fact that i now live in poverty due to my job loss & the economy, & the fact that i am scared to death for me and my baby, & the fact that there are people like you that cause me to feel worse than i already did.
ALSO i would like to add that i am trying MY BEST here to be responsible and make the best decisions possible for my child, like leaving his father. i wish my mom had left my dad (he cheated on her & i had to see how unhappy she was for years when i had rather she found someone else that wouldve made her happy instead of staying with him “for the kids”). he is going to share responsibility for this child INCLUDING financial resposibility and health care (since he is one of the lucky ones around here to still have a job, although there is talk of more layoffs at his job). i think that until i find a job that pays enough and has decent benefits, i have made the right decisions for me and my child. i just want you to know that things aren’t peachy everywhere – there are people living in tents that once made a good living for christ sake. just be happy that you are fortunate enough to be in a good place in life, looking down your nose on worthless scum like me.
and i am not joking – - i would really honestly like for you to tell me just exactly what you would do if one day you had a great job and the next you didn’t – - with no where to go that would even COMPARE to what you were making – - no where that even offered benefits that didn’t pay more than $8 an hour – - PLEASE tell me what you would do if your world came crashing down when they told you to GO HOME, YOUR JOB NO LONGER EXISTS????? tell me what you would do if finally, after years of trying, you finally get pregnant, and you SHOULD be SOOO happy, but you can’t be, because find yourself in poverty even though you bust your ass working from 7-7 and on top of that your man starts acting all weird and out of no where begins acting cold and abusive, only to find out he has been lying and cheating – - what would YOU do? PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAASE tell me you effing know it all.
and i want to reiterate the fact that you should thank whatever or whoever you believe in and thank them for allowing you to have EVERYTHING that you have, because tomorrow someone COULD come up to you and take it all away like they did me, and one day you COULD find yourself in the SAME situation i find myself in. you never know what kind of curve balls life is going throw your way, so you better watch that pretty little head of yours and be sure that your snooty little nose isn’t too high in the air, bc that might be the first thing that gets knocked off. in case you haven’t noticed, i am so upset that you responded the way you did, with no CLUE as to what i am going through and what has happened in my life to cause me to have to resort to asking the question that i asked. i am not proud that i am having to get child support. i am not proud that i will only be bringing in about $100 a week. i am not proud that i live in poverty. but i am doing the best i can. i just want you to know.
i can’t even sleep you have gotten me so upset. i just try to keep telling myself that you don’t know me, you don’t know my situation, and you probably have never even stopped to THINK about what you would do in my situation, and that your opinion doesn’t matter. but no matter how i try to calm myself down, i still cannot stop thinking about your snootiness and your know-it-all attitude. i am a really sensitive person, plus i am pregnant and going through a very stressful time and having car problems on top of everything else that i can’t afford to fix. i am surprised you haven’t suggested for me to give this baby – - that i already love more than my heart can hardly hold – - up for adoption – - to someone who DIDN’T lose their great paying job – - to someone who CAN keep a man from lying and cheating – - to someone who CAN afford to get the car fixed – - to someone who does NOT feel the need to ask for such advice on Y!A – - to someone who is actually WORHTY of this poor little baby.
have you took the time to check out the unemployment rate of martinsville, virginia? it’s not hard to find on the web. just type in “UNEMPLOYMENT RATE OF MARTINSVILLE, VA” & you will see that it is rated the highest in all of virginia. there are so many people like me who have worked themselves out of jobs. i have been through 3 job closings in 15 years. i went through my first job closing in 1998 & went straight to another job, only to have to go through another in 2002. but this time i thought it was a blessing in disguise bc it lead me to the job of my dreams. however, even though things looked great for awhile & i was making more than i ever thought i’d be making, they told us to go home in 2007. if you were to drive around martinsville & the surrounding areas, you would see REAL ESTATE SIGNS IN ALMOST EVERY YARD where people can’t afford their homes anymore. you will see ABANDONED BUILDINGS WHERE MOST OF OUR COMMUNITY USED TO that was once the livelihood of the residents here.
have you took the time to check out the unemployment rate of martinsville, virginia? it’s not hard to find on the web. just type in “UNEMPLOYMENT RATE OF MARTINSVILLE, VA” & you will see that it is rated the highest in all of virginia. there are so many people like me who have worked themselves out of jobs. i have been through 3 job closings in 15 years. i went through my first job closing in 1998 & went straight to another job, only to have to go through another in 2002. but this time i thought it was a blessing in disguise bc it lead me to the job of my dreams. however, even though things looked great for awhile & i was making more than i ever thought i’d be making, they told us to go home in 2007. if you were to drive around martinsville & the surrounding areas, you would see REAL ESTATE SIGNS IN ALMOST EVERY YARD where people can’t afford their homes anymore. you will see ABANDONED BUILDINGS WHERE MOST OF OUR COMMUNITY USED TO WORK that was once our livelihood.
you want to talk about selfish???? lets talk about these business owners that allowed our work go elsewhere just so they could make a quick buck, leaving the workers poorer and them richer. these business owners just moved on and retired to wherever it was in the world they wanted to, just living it up, and i just have to wonder if while they are sipping their whiskey sour by the ocean or playing their round of golf on the finest course money can buy a membership to if they ever stop and wonder “what did all those poor peasant workers do when i signed their jobs away?” my own uncle owned one of the business i worked for that closed and he signed my job to china. once he got the money he gained from letting our job go, he left as well. i wouldn’t want to stay somewhere that i was responsible for hundreds of people being without a job either. i would be so ashamed to be so greedy. but that’s how it is. and there’s only talk of even more job closings. i have a friend living in a tent.
my friend that lives in a tent looks for jobs everyday. until my friend asked me to sit her children, i was looking for a higher paying job as well every day i was off work – & making calls at my current job to the whole 2 want adds that were actually hiring each week. there are places that hire occasionally, but they pay just as little or less than what i’m making, & i don’t see how anyone that doesn’t still live with their parents can make it on minimum wage. but there are people with dependants that have to – and these people have to still take from YOUR TAXES just to put food on the table, even though they work like dogs. i could’ve had a job at this one place where it was so hot i weezed the whole time i was there for the walk-through and the people were dripping with sweat & working very, very hard & the job only paid $7 and hour with no benefits. but i hear it was announced that they will be closing soon as well. my mom will lose her job soon & my dads job is moving a state away
my grandma’s hours got cut at the library & she says she is sure that even though they haven’t announced it, she won’t have a job at the first of the year. my hours got cut as well. not many can afford to buy perks such as cell phones & not many can afford personal training or aerobics either. my mom hasn’t worked in weeks bc things are so slow where she works, & it’s just a matter of time before they tell her to go home. my dad’s job has put a “freeze” on everything from hiring to raises, & they announced that people like my dad who have been there for more than 20 years will not be able to receive their retirement. THEY TOOK MY DADS RETIREMENT. and they will soon take his job. my sister has a bachelors degree & cannot find a job. anyone around here that still has a job lives in fear that they are next to hear bad news. but i promise you “lady”, that if things pick up around here, my sorry, lazy, system-abusing ass will have the first decent paying, benefit giving job thats available.
i think that after receiving your response to my question, i am done with seeking advice from anyone on here again, bc i will be afraid that another answerer will jump to conclusions and think they have all the answers and just try to kick me when i’m already down like you have. i though this was a place i could go to where people would help me rather thatn hurt me, bc i really try to help others & not be hateful even when i may disagree or think that what they are posting is something terrible. i try to lift others up (i guess that’s why i wanted to be a fitness trainer) & not bring them down like you have me. i have paid taxes for 15 years straight, working 2 or more jobs 13 out of 15 of these years, & i have had every right to bash someone that i actually KNEW FOR CERTAIN was “milking the system” & getting MY tax dollars, but at least i was still nice to them. one of my friends milks the system bc she has a drug problem. but i take her to her meetings & i try to be supportive.
being hateful and snooty won’t solve anything. you being hateful and snooty won’t bring our jobs back to henry and patrick counties. you being hateful and snooty won’t change the fact that whether i stay at my current job or babysit, i will only make bring in about $100 a week. you being hateful and snooty won’t change the fact that my dreams of finally being able to start a family happened right after i lost a great job with benefits and right before i found out my man is a piece of trash. you being hateful and snooty won’t change the fact that sometimes i wake up crying thinking that me and this baby would be better off dead. i have been trying to have a positive outlook about all of the negative changes that have happened in my life, but you have brought me back down. a stranger. a stranger that just wanted to be hateful and snooty bc she could that didn’t even know why i am in the position that i am in, but still ready to attack me. thanks dr kia. thanks for making me more upset.
being hateful and snooty won’t solve anything. you being hateful and snooty won’t bring our jobs back to henry and patrick counties. you being hateful and snooty won’t change the fact that whether i stay at my current job or babysit, i will only make bring in about $100 a week. you being hateful and snooty won’t change the fact that my dreams of finally being able to start a family happened right after i lost a great job with benefits and right before i found out my man is a piece of trash. you being hateful and snooty won’t change the fact that sometimes i wake up crying thinking that me and this baby would be better off dead. i have been trying to have a positive outlook about all of the negative changes that have happened in my life, but you have brought me back down. a stranger. a stranger that just wanted to be hateful and snooty bc she could that didn’t even know why i am in the position that i am in, but still ready to attack me. thanks dr kia. thanks for making me more upset.
you marked my posting as interesting… did you know that the reasons behind this posting were going to be so interesting? did you know sometimes that even when people who have dreams and aspirations and motivation and drive sometimes can’t see these dreams and aspirations come to life no matter how much drive and motivation that they have due to circumstances that are out of their control? i have the mental and physical ability to make lots of money. however, i lack the resources. i lack the means to just up and move – even though right now the economy isn’t great anywhere you go – and things just aren’t looking that great for not only me but my many of my family members and many of my friends. i am still waiting for a response from you. i am really interested to hear what you would do in my situation. i am not so eager for your hateful high and mighty attitude though, so if you ever respond, i could really do without all that. i just want to know what you suggest i do.
i think i have made good decisions based on what i am going through right now. at least you can see that based on my question i am wanting to make sure that i am spending any free time i might have wisely so that when my bastard son starts school perhaps i can have a decent job lined up in a field that actuall thrives around here, if not before he starts school. do i get any credit for that?