Should I continue to do everything myself?
My husband and I haven’t even been married for a year, but we have been together for 6. We have a 2 year old daughter together and I have an 11 year old from a previous relationship. The problem I am having is, my husband can’t seem to do anything without me. Before he married me, his mother read and handled all of his mail. When bills were due, he would give her the money and she would pay them. He never even knew how to write a check. He doesn’t know how to fix things. He doesn’t know how to handle business calls. I handle all the Dr. appointments and discuss all of our family’s medical concerns should there be any. We are now in the process of buying our first home. I have researched our loan options. I have driven around to look at potential homes. I have spoken with and deal directly with the lender. I deal with and speak with our agent. When reviewing the inspection report, he was like “I don’t like looking at all that stuff, you do it.” I am the one researching loan terms and just trying to understand our purchase agrement.
This evening, he wanted to look online at various home improvement sites so that we could prioritize the things we know we are going to need to work on. He lost interest about 10 minutes in. When our 2 year old started whining that she was sleepy, he told me that what I was doing was not a priority and that I needed to go put her to bed. I asked why he couldn’t do it since he saw I was doing something and he said that I was a mother and he needed to get in the shower to get ready for bed.
I am really tired of him not making anything but himself a priority. He doesn’t give our daughter a bath. He can’t handle anything that relates to our home, medical or educational responsibilities. He takes no interest in learning what the hell he is even signing as it relates to home ownership. He just wants me to do it all. I work from 8 am to 5 pm everyday, and when I get home, my focus is on the kids and our home. He comes home and watches TV.
I am at my wits end, but if I stop, he does not know how to pick up the ball and run with it so I have to, or risk us losing everything we have worked for. What do I do?
More Info: For the response about the wedding….no, he didn’t go pick out his tux himself. He wouldn’t go without me. I planned the entire wedding myself. I feel like if something happened to me, he could not take care of me because he wouldn’t begin to know where to start in terms of insurance, Dr.s, etc. This fool just got in the bed and is arguing with me still about putting my daughter to sleep. Unbelievable!
I swear I could write a book about my life. It is so unattractive to be married to someone that does nothing but watch The Real World Road Rules and The Bad Girls Club. Yes, I am very serious. We don’t go to movies. We don’t go out for nice dinners. We are in the middle of trying to buy a house, which means no spending, and he goes to a sports bar to have drinks with his friends and watch the fight. It’s like his only concern is having the latest clothes and fashion and not being left out of parties with his friends. I get the girls ready every morning, drop them off at their prospective destinations. Then I go to work. On top of doing my job, I am usually handling housing stuff, medical appointments, insurance forms, etc. just life stuff. Then I have to leave to go see houses if our agent calls. And then go back to work. Pick the kids up and then go home. Deal with them in terms of baths and dinner, homework, etc. More housing stuff. And then find time to get myself ready.
On top of dealing with the kds, dinner, etc. I find time to watch home improvement shows or property shows that walk you through the home buying process so I can learn more about what we are going through, and also, if we don’t have the money to fix something, I have certainly learned enough to either save us lots of money and fix it ourselves, or at least what the costs involved would be. I htink that is real handy. But he just brushes it off by saying “we don’t even have the house yet.” But I want to be prepared.
